Vampire Humor

[NeverMore]

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(Hopefully there's some new ones here you guys have never heard.)


Where do vampires make they're withdrawals?
At the blood bank.

How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.

What are a vampire's favorite snacks?
Adam's apples and nectarines.

What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
"You are driving me batty."

What do you get if you cross a vampire bat and a mummy?
A flying band-aid, or a gift-wrapped bat.

What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffin Drops!

What is Dracula's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving!

What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A Bloodhound!

Where did they put Dracula when he was arrested?
In a red bloodcell!

Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank.

What do you get if you cross Jesse James and Dracula?
A robbery at the blood bank.

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.

Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
They would only let him be BAT boy!

Why didn't Dracula get married?
He never met a nice Ghoul!

What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay

What is Transylvania?
Dracula's terror-tory

Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula

What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A blood vessel

Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin

[adrian]

hahahahahahaha his other fang lol

[iHaunt]

"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween". ~ Author Vlad Dracula

[haleysmith]

Haha, funny Dracula

Hope you haven't heard of this already

Q: Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
A: Because he's a pain in the neck...

[iHaunt]

Haha, funny Dracula

Hope you haven't heard of this already

Q: Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
A: Because he's a pain in the neck...

Ha ha! That's funny!

[iHaunt]

Why did Dracula take cough medicine?

To stop his coffin.

[halloweenjokes]

Q: Where does a vampire usually eat his lunch?
A: At the casketeria!

Q: Why did the vampire become an actor?
A: He wanted a part he could sink his teeth into!

Q: What is a vampie’s favourite breakfast?
A: Ready-Neck!!

Q: Who is a vampire’s favorite type of person to bite?
A: A red neck!!

Q: Why doesn’t vampire mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A: Because of his big coffin.

Q: Why do vampires scare people?
A: They are bored to death!

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: Fang Decay!!!

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath!